


Recovery

by lyricalaphasia



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M, this is what i do when i have homework now i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 07:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalaphasia/pseuds/lyricalaphasia
Summary: Revan returns from Sith space barely alive. Luckily, the first person she meets is one particularly invested in her well-being.





	Recovery

At last she leaves, at last she breaks through Sith space and has what she needs, at last she is going home. She knows her sickness has progressed too far for her to live to see a recognizable planet, but with the last of her coherent mind, she programs her shuttle to bring her body and the information, the holocrons, the artifacts. Her people will have what they need, and she is glad that she can pay the price - her life.

She closes her eyes and her last thoughts are of her friends, the ones who helped her reclaim herself and her destiny. She hopes they understand that they may yet save the galaxy.

The fever takes her, and at last, she rests.

The next thing she knows, she is in the womb again, floating. Reincarnated. Everything is blurry.

It clears. She is in kolto.

There is little she can see through the distorted waves of healing gel, but her head is clear. She is alive.

As her limbs begin to jerk reflexively against their surroundings, she sees shapes move in the distance. One in particular moves quickly toward her tank, fiddling with controls so that the top of the tank opens. With what little energy she has, Revan pushes upward. Little exertion is needed on her part: strong arms reach into the tank and beneath her arms, pulling her up to break the surface. Air fills her lungs, and she takes in so much that it nearly burns her from the inside.

One of the arms that holds her reaches up to hold the back of her head steady. Canderous gently rests his forehead on hers, and the only sounds that matter are the sounds of their breathing, moving into a soothing synchronicity.

\--

"I have questions," she asks when she finally has the fortitude to carry on a conversation.

"Then ask them."

She takes a few more breaths; even putting together the simplest statement winds her. "Are we dead?"

Sitting at her bedside, Canderous looks almost as exhausted as she does. He's more wiry than she remembers, and at some angles she would even call him gaunt.

"No," he says.

"Am I home?"

He shrugs. "You're not on Coruscant," he says. "You're not in a Jedi Enclave."

"Then..."

Mercifully, he answers her before she has to try and formulate another whole question.

"You're on Dxun," he says. "With the Mandalorians. With me."

He wears most of his armor, but not his helmet, she realizes.

"Dxun," she says. "Sith stuff."

He smirks. "We've got it covered. Get some rest and we'll talk later."

When he takes her hand, she notices that his gloves are off, too.

"A Mandalore always wears his helmet," she chides him, her voice slipping into a murmur.

"Not when there's someone higher ranking around," he says.

"You made that up."

"Yeah."

\--

For the next few days, she sleeps and wakes. She gathers little until she is finally able to walk. Mandalore is always by her side as she hobbles, embarrassingly feeble, around the camp. She is in awe of what he has accomplished, and hopes that one day, she will again have the words to tell him.

Sometimes, she stumbles, and he always catches her. He never mentions this.

The Mandalorians salute them both. She doesn't know what he has told them about her.

Dxun's warmth helps. She would never call what Canderous shows her _warmth_ \- at least, not to his face - but it helps, too.

\--

He hasn't told anyone, she realizes one day. She scolds him - the Republic needs the knowledge she's brought! The Jedi need it! - but he insists they should wait. Is he using her as a game piece? Is he holding her shuttle hostage, some kind of bargaining chip to give to the Republic? She throws out accusations until her face is hot and she has to lie down again; he does not respond. He lets her sleep.

\--

"I called Admiral Onasi," Canderous tells her after her nap, more brusque than even he usually is. "He's on his way."

Revan's stomach tightens, but she can't tell why. "Admiral," is her only response.

\--

She summons all her strength one night and walks, unaccompanied, to Canderous' chambers. She gives the door one hard bang before he opens it, fully suited, and lets her come inside.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Don't be." He sits back down at his desk and continues to make entries into a datapad. "It's not exactly uncalled for to accuse Mandalorians of making strategic moves against the Republic."

She sits on the edge of his bed. "Not about that."

He puts down the datapad and turns to her.

"I can't tell if you're looking at me," she says; he takes off his helmet and puts it on the desk so that she can see the pain in his steely eyes.

"You did what you had to do," he says.

"I know," she says, "but I should have warned you."

He sighs. "That's the past now," he says, and she nods.

They sit in silence; she stares at a moth on the wall.

"I looked for you," he says, and slowly, she turns back to him. "No luck, obviously," he adds. "Me and your droid and a couple of Jedi, we looked for you."

She gives him a half-smile. "Thank you."

He nods. "You should stay here," he says. "Give the Republic whatever you think they need, you should still stay with us. You could command the Mandalorian forces like no Mandalore ever has."

She shakes her head. "I have work to do."

He frowns. "And I'm sure Admiral Onasi is expecting you."

She clicks her tongue. "Never thought I'd hear the day Canderous Ordo was jealous of a Republic soldier."

"I'm not jealous," he protests. She smiles.

"Canderous," she says, "I'm not going to be gone forever. I can't imagine never seeing you again." Sober thoughts pull down the corners of her mouth. "No one else will understand what you and I saw. What we have been through together... that's a part of us now. The exciting and the horrifying. No one else has that. No one in this entire galaxy."

His mouth stays set in a hard line, but his eyes are shot through with longing.

"You mean more to me than anyone," she says. "I know it goes against your nature to hear that kind of thing, but it's true."

She stands and walks to where he sits; his eyes never leave her. Revan puts her hands on his shoulders and shakily sits on his lap, straddling him so that they are face-to-face. She leans down, and he reaches up; their lips meet in the middle. In the time she has spent hiding and imprisoned in Sith territory, she has missed the fleeting moments of intimacy inherent in being somewhere vaguely familiar or out in the open, walking freely with other people. She has wished she could brush against someone else's fingers by mistake or be packed into a crowded subway car. She has wished she could argue with a port authority. She has wished for any kind of contact between equals.

More than anything, though, she has wished she could feel this again: Canderous, his arms around her. For the first time in years, she feels grounded, she feels as though she is living.

"I missed you," she whispers. He carries her back to his bed.

**Author's Note:**

> like halfway through this I remembered that this story entirely excludes the Exile and her pals so I guess the storyline here is that they tried to find Revan and then gave up, went home, and had a round of space cocktails on a nice Zeltros beach or something, so there. plotholes FILLED.


End file.
